I am going to propose a scenario to each of you.  Close your eyes.  Go ahead, close them.  Ok…now I want you to envision a foster child.  Well, a teenager.  18 years old.  Let’s name them Harrison.  They are considered “An Adult” by state standards.  The state doesn’t consider the trauma this child has been through. It doesn’t consider that on paper, Harrison is 18, but emotionally and socially they are half of their chronological age.  So, this 18 year old “adult” leaves foster care to go find a job, find a place to live, and support themselves.  Harrison goes to interviews, and they get a couple job offers, because they interview so well.  Their verbal skills are amazing, maybe at a 25-year-old age level.  They get excited because they nailed a job!  Harrison goes to their first day on the job, but they don’t last more than a week. Their first day they show up late, because they have time management difficulties.  The second day they are late again. Harrison sets an alarm, but their mind can’t calculate how much time is really needed to get ready in the morning. Fifteen minutes is NOT enough time to get out of bed and then remember the tasks one should complete before exiting the door. Fifteen minutes in Harrison’s mind IS enough because they are only calculating how long it takes to arrive a to work once they are out the door and actually on their way to work.    

The employer has no idea about Harrison’s FASD because this 18-year-old doesn’t want to ruin their chances of employment.  Harrison doesn’t understand the cause and effect of being late.  They do understand that their disability is not understood in much of society though, so they keep it close to their heart.  By the end of the work week, this 18-year-old is brought into their boss’s office.  The boss has them sit down.  They proceed to tell Harrison that this job isn’t going to work.  They were late every day and kept asking how to complete the same round of tasks, over and over again.  Harrison didn’t think to write down the instructions, because up until now, they had been written down for them, in a way they understood.  Using pictures, short sentences, simplified.  The employer had instructions for tasks, but they were in paragraph form, with words Harrison didn’t know the meaning to.  Which the boss wouldn’t expect to be an issue because Harrison did incredible in the verbal interview!  There is also the trauma Harrison lived through, that was never disclosed to the employer, because this “adult” really wanted the job, and they know the stigma attached to trauma.  So, when an employee came up and attempted to tell Harrison that they were doing things incorrectly, Harrison saw the employee as a threat, as someone telling them they weren’t good enough.  In turn, Harrison started yelling, became defensive and used profanity. Then Harrison ran out of the office building and went home. 

In addition to Harrison attempting to get a job, they are also looking for a place to live.  It can be an exciting time for many. A place to call your own!  For Harrison though?  This is what it will look like: Harrison struggles with money.  They know how to count money and know how much they have at one time.  Where they will struggle is rent.  Utility bills.  Groceries.  They have impulse control issues, so Harrison will see something on Amazon that they think they need at that moment. The money that is for rent, utilities, and groceries. They will use it for this item on Amazon.  They will not realize him buying the item on Amazon will subtract from the amount of money they have for rent and utilities.  Cause and Effect are not Harrison’s strong suit.  If they decide to live alone, the responsibilities will be all on them.  The cleaning, the grocery shopping, paying everything on time.  Harrison doesn’t know how to mark payments and appointments on a calendar.  When they try, they write them down on the incorrect date and time.  This means rent will be paid late.  This means Harrison will not be long for this apartment they scored. 

Yes, Harrison is 18 years old on paper, but do you all see what I see when I describe this “adult?”  I don’t see an adult.  I see a scared little kid wondering why the world isn’t treating them right, wondering why life is so tough for them, when they see other 18-year-olds out there making it just fine.  Neurotypical people, that is.  This “adult” has the emotional age of about a nine- or ten-year-old.  Maybe a little older, maybe a little younger, depending on what happened in their life.  This 18-year-old no longer has that scaffolding they had for years.  Someone to help them make their appointments on time, someone who understood their “quirks” and how they learned. So essentially, a child, nine or ten, is going out into the real world, attempting to live in a world where people see them as 18.  I know many states do have supports in place to help those at age 18 to stay in the system and get accustomed to the real world. Yet, even at 21 or 25, when they pack their bags to go onto the streets and live their lives, emotionally?  They are still only eleven or twelve years old.  Now I ask you, what eleven- and twelve-year-old would you set free on the streets to make a life for themselves, with no support? 

***Please understand, I know many foster care systems are incredible, and do their best to prepare their children for the outside world.  Unfortunately, many of the kids want to be independent and are head strong, tell everyone they can make it on their own. They don’t ask for help; they want to figure it out.  Many have been burned asking for help.. Mistrust of humans has set in.. Unfortunately, many don’t figure it out.  They end up on the streets, making bad decisions, because their brain needs external help.  My hope is that little by little, people can help those with an FASD live interdependently or independently and hold down a job.  My hope is that those with an FASD will break down the walls they have up, and allow that help in.  Everybody needs a little help sometimes.